The Tourist - Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, and Paul Bettany

Real Teen Award
-Worst Movie in 2010

The Gist

Elise Clifton-Ward starts off her day just like it is any normal day.  She puts on her fancy clothes walks down onto the streets of Paris and towards the her regular morning Café and of course she is being stalked by guys in a white unmarked van.  This morning she sits down and orders her regular breakfast but then a local paper boy comes and hands her a letter from her “lover”(Alexander Pearce) saying to find someone his height and his build and lead people to believe that the person she picks is him.  She then burns the letter and sets off to the train to find a man.  The people in the unmarked van then run to where she was sitting to see if they can discover what the letter has said but sadly it is burned.  Elise then boards the train and finds the perfect man to resemble her “lover” and his name is Frank Tupelo, a math teacher from America.  Confused Frank decides to play along to the little game and pretend to be Alexander.  Soon Elise and Frank are on the run from a bunch of different groups of people trying to catch Frank a.k.a “Alexander Pearce” and as they run farther they learn more about each other and how they aren’t so different.

What We Think

Reviewed by The North Star

Run Time: 103 Minutes
Rating: PG-13

Where to begin…..well that is a terrible gist because I tried so hard not to show my great disappointment in this movie.  This movie deceived me because when I saw the commercials I thought “even though it has Angelina Jolie who is just an OK actor the movie will be good because it has Johnny Depp in it.”  Boy, was I wrong.

The acting was ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS from both Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie.  Since seeing this movie I have written Angelina off on a list of actors to never ever see in a movie no matter what.  She simply just can’t act and I never feel anything for any of the characters she plays except for the feeling of them to get off the screen.  As for Johnny Depp, I haven’t seen a bunch of his movies but the ones I have seen have always been really good and I have heard nothing but good things about the movies I haven’t seen staring him.  In this movie his acting was completely unbelievable.  His character was supposed to be a math teacher from the middle of the United States so when you are getting shot at I think you would be running and screaming at the top of your lungs and at least freaking out a little but he decided that he was just going to jog away like he had done it a million times before.  So the acting gets a zero.

Plot.  A woman is being tracked all over the world because of her boyfriend and then having to pretend someone else is her boyfriend because he is a fugitive.  This is something that sounds interesting and if executed right should be really interesting.  Well, no offense to the director of this movie but he didn’t do a good job at all.  The actors seemed lost the whole time and the way the director portrayed the script was terrible and in a way that made me hate the plot.  There was also supposed to be this huge “plot twist” at the end but from 10min into the movie I had figured out what it was and it wasn’t revealed until a lot later in the movie.

The one good thing about this movie was that in the beginning Angelina Jolie wore a very pretty dress but that was it.  That was the only outfit of hers that I liked the rest of them were either ehh or blech.  The only thing saving this movie from a complete zero was that my family and I when we went to go see this movie got the WHOLE theater to ourselves which saved the movie because towards the end we all started Mystery Science Theatering the entire movie and making fun of it and that was better than the actual script.  At the end my dad stood up and said, “JOHNNY DEPP I WANT MY MONEY BACK!” and then quietly left the theater.  So the actual memory of the movie is what keeps it from getting a zero.  In closing, do not see this movie, EVER it will be a waste of your money

Real Teen Rating~ F: Don’t waste your time or money, you will want it back!

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Egon & Dönci – no one…

* First Hungarian animated film ever made!

Egon & Donci
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The Gist
A ‘man’ and his ‘cat’ live on this little planet.  One day, a spaceship carrying a message from the far off planet Earth crashes in their backyard.  The ‘man’ and his ‘cat’ then build a spaceship of their own and travel to Earth.

What We Think
Reviewed by Living Destiny
Before we even begin, let me just say that I don’t ever fall asleep during movies.  Never in my whole life have a fallen asleep during a movie.  Ever.  With that said, I fell asleep like four times during this one hour and fifteen minute long movie.  It was horrendous.  No one ever talked the whole movie.  There were little grunt noises and other stuff like that but no actual dialogue.  There was a seven minute montage of pictures of Earth that Egon watched (not kidding actually seven minutes) and it was so very boring.  It wasn’t clever or witty.  It wasn’t enlightening or interesting.  It wasn’t intelligent.  It was boring.  So very boring.  Before my friends and I started watching the movie, we were all wicked hyper after going out to eat.  Two of us fell asleep, one of almost did, and one of my friend’s little sister stood up half way through the movie and said “I can’t take it anymore!”  She left.  The only thing I liked about it was maybe one of the songs.  The only funny parts were the cat doing stupid things.  This movie was a sleep inducing, soul sucking monster of a movie, and if you know what’s good for you you’ll steer far far far away.
Real Teen Rating~ 0: yea that’s a zero don’t even go there

Reviewed by The North Star
I totally agree with Living Destiny.  I was one of the friends who fell asleep during this movie and I literally fell asleep 5 different times.  In the beginning I lasted a little while but then after that I was in and out and in and out.  In the end I woke up and the other friends who were up at the end quickly filled me in on what they remembered.  This movie was beyond terrible, first you couldn’t understand anything they were saying because they didn’t even use actual words.  Second what there was of a plot was really weak and made no sense what-so-ever.  Last if you are going to have characters that don’t talk you should at least have them be likeable.  The “man” was clueless and sketchy.  The “cat” was OK but really annoying after the first 10min and the “guy” that worked at a souvenir shop was just a creeper in general.  I really recommend never watching this movie even if it is with friends there is NO POSSIBLE way to make fun of it.  This is by far the worst movie I have ever seen.  Even worse than Nacho Libre and if you have ever seen that movie you will know what I am talking about.
Real Teen Rating~0: yea that’s a zero don’t even go there

Reviewed by Dream Catcher
Blech. That is the best word I can use to describe this movie. BLECH. I was the brave soul who managed to stay awake for the one hour and fifteen minute long torture session. Not only have I NEVER fallen asleep during a movie, I simply CAN NOT fall asleep when a movie is playing. It’s against every molecule of my being to fall asleep during a movie. And while watching this movie I nearly fell asleep. Multiple times. That’s when you know a movie’s bad. The cat Dönci was the funniest part of the movie, and the funniest thing he did was fall down a few times. The man Egon was extremely awkward and not even a man, I guess. It was so bizarre. We knew the movie was going to be bad when we decided to watch it. We thought it would be something like Shorts; a movie we could easily make fun of and have a good laugh about. I don’t think I have ever been more wrong in my entire life. The movie was impossible to laugh at. And trust me, if me and my friends couldn’t make fun of this movie, then no one in the world can make fun of this movie. It’s a physical impossibility. We began the movie our hyper selves, laughing at each other’s lame inside jokes and pointing out the corniness of the animation. Ten minutes in: we could hardly even giggle at our own jokes, and we watched the movie with our mouths open in horror. Twenty minutes in: we were mirror images of The Scream, unable to even let out a chuckle or snicker. It was like J.K. Rowling’s dementors in movie form: sucking out our souls slowly. That’s how bad it was. I think the North Star and Living Destiny covered my feelings on the characters, and the incredible lack of dialogue. I shudder to think of who created such a monster as this. Frighteningly bad, horrifyingly horrible, Sleepily sloppy. That was this movie. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
Real Teen Rating~ 0 : yea that’s  zero, don’t even go there

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